Christians are straight up FREAKS
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
