I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I look better un-naked...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
