Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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