I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
