you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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