YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
