we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
