Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
