Apparently you make a good broom.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
