Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
