We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
