onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
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I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
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I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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