Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
