O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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