just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
This is the prime rib incident all over again
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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