she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
