she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
