some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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