he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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