She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
