but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
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