He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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