I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
