Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
