I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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