Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
this hospital has no fireball
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
