its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
