Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
