seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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