I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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