she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
