Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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