i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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