I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
