I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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