I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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