I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
