if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
high people should be assigned attendants
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
