Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It was confusing and full of hummus
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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