I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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