remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
