4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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