So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
