I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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