I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
