Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
