He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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