Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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