How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
