I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
