And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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