My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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