I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
