Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
