Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
