I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
