Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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