tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
