Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
