i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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