well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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