So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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