He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
