I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
