he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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