Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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