Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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