I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
