come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
