just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
