Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
