Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I think people are normalizing furries
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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