your thong is hanging out like whoa
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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