Welp...herpes.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
