You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
