I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
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