Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
