She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
