do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
