Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
The air taste purple.
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