Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
