3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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