Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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