This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
