last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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