listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
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We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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