dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
