just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
