just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
