If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
