He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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